Parents

EQ 4 Parents

Written by Antoinette Steyn

Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child!

A Guide to help parents raise emotionally intelligent kids from ages 2 - 18.

This book includes parental guidance in terms of talking about sex and dealing with trauma.
Order your copy today!
EQ 4 Parents - Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids

"Behind every young child who believes in himself
is a parent who believed  first."

- Matthew L Jacobson

Parenting Workshops


In today’s information driven society you can no longer afford to not be informed of the latest developments. EQ4Kids offers a number of workshops which aims to provide parents, teachers and pre-schools with the most recent information available on issues such as sibling rivalry, temperaments, anger management and bullying. All our workshops are available in Afrikaans and English. Do not delay, book your workshop today!
Parenting Workshops:
  • Sibling Rivalry
  • Re-constituted families
  • Parenting Styles
  • Creative Discipline
  • First time parents
  • Substances
  • Your child and Suicide
  • How to talk to your Child about Sex
Workshops for children:
  • Study Methods (Gr.7 – Gr.12)
  • Substances (Gr. 4 – Gr. 7)
  • Assertiveness
  • Career Choices (Gr. 4 – Gr.7)
By Willie Trytsman 23 May, 2017
It is believed that parenting behaviours significantly influence the development of a child. Parenting behaviours are directly linked to the parenting style, thus different parenting styles will lead to different parenting behaviours which in turn will influence the child’s development. Parenting styles are made up of a combination of attitudes towards a child which is conveyed to the child and thus creates an emotional climate in which the behaviours of the parents are expressed. Parenting styles may be different from family to family due to the size of the family, the religion of the family, the coming together of parenting styles of two parents as well as parental background. Thus different parenting styles leads to the development of unique individuals, whether good or bad. (Janse van Rensburg, 2014) (Frick, Barry, & Kamphaus, 2009)

Baumrind’s Parenting Styles

Baumrind’s parenting styles were formulated using two elements which, according to research conducted by Baumrind and her colleagues, influence the parenting style. The first element is responsiveness or warmth and refers to the degree to which the parent is child-centred and shows warmth. The second element is supportiveness or demandingness and refers to parental control and the degree to which parents expect their child to exhibit maturity. The degree each element is presented by the parent was then used to formulate four parenting styles.
By Willie Trytsman 23 May, 2017
Education or also referred to as learning, teaching or schooling is a social institution which refers to the actions depicted by a teacher or educator by which a person, usually a child, is trained in the skills and values of the previous generations in which all the accumulated knowledge they gained is carried over to the learner (Wikipedia). Another definition or explanation for education is that it is a process of teaching, training and learning which generally takes place within schools and or colleges in order to improve knowledge and to develop skills (Dictionary) Therefore from these definitions for the institution of education we can conclude that the main aim or goal in education is to enable people to live a prosperous and good live (Brighouse, 2006:15).

The view on education is different for the different disciplines which study this institution. The discipline of Sociology is basically concerned with the role education as institution has on the management and maintenance of the society. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :15)

As we concluded in the previous paragraphs, the aim of education is to help or enable people to become literate. To be literate in general means that a person is able to read and write which in pre-modern times was basically all that was needed to have a sustainable and prosperous live. As times changes various other aspects of humanity change as well, including education. One of the main reasons for the drastic and quick changes in education is the continuing development and improvement of information communication technologies or in short ICTs. Future funding also plays a huge role in the changing nature of education worldwide. (Giddens, 2006:870)

Before the mid 19’s the role of the church was not only to spiritually care for people but also to educate them. The church was unable to provide in the educational needs of everybody which had the effect that only a few people in positions such as priesthood or business owners were literate. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :16) When the industrial era dawned the need for specialised skills emerged and this brought about the onset of mass education which was then the task of the government. Therefore the definition of mass education is the education that is provided for all the people within the country by the government.

The industrial era brought a great amount of change in the nature of education but the basic aim was still the same, to make people literate, but the extent to which a person should be literate was greatly enlarged. It is also noted that more recently more students are enrolling at higher education institutes which is evident that the need for specialised knowledge has yet again increased. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :15-17)

With the onset of mass education the governments saw that there was a need for venues and institutions which were specifically designed and equipped to educate people. (Giddens, 2006:870) This onset was the driving force for the building of schools, from which we can now distinguish between pre-schools, primary schools, high schools, colleges and universities as well as various other educational institutions which specialise in different disciplines or skills. All of these educational ventures has the same basic curriculum and point of view.

Primary schools form the first part of the compulsory education a child must have and it lasts for roughly eight years. Primary schools admit children from around the ages of four to five and these children are firstly taught to read and write as well as the basics of mathematics so that they are literate. Once they are literate and can achieve all the required outcomes they are ready to go to high school or secondary school as it is called in some countries over the world. (Wikipedia)

High school or secondary school is usually characterised as the final stage of the compulsory education a child must undergo. During this stage of education the child which is now in his or her teens is prepared and refined in all the different fields which is presented in order for this student to be able to further his studies on the higher educational level which is non compulsory. (Wikipedia)

Higher education was and is the answer to the need for specialised skills needed by people in order to do certain jobs or complete certain tasks. Higher education refers to the education a person undergoes after he or she has finished school and is done by colleges, universities or other approved higher educational institutions. This form of education differs from society to society and is therefore not compulsory for all pupils to attend such an institute. It is however a given fact that in this day and age a person must have something more to show than just a normal high school education if he or she wants to have a good job with a steady and higher than average income. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :16)

All of the above mentioned forms of education was the norm until various factors influenced them and forced these forms to be revised. Some examples include different religions, languages, needs and gender as well as the issue of class and level of education as all of the schools which was government funded had to comply to certain rules and regulations in order for them to keep their subsidies (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :16). Today we have not only public schools which still have a government subsidy but we also have privatised schools and educational institutions to cater for the specific needs of the people as well as various home-schooling ventures which are all used to a great extent.

Another phenomenon is that of the private educational sector which was created by the different needs and classes of societies. This is however more evident in the westernised countries but can be found all around the globe. This sector focuses on education which is paid in full by the student and or his parents as there are little or no state subsidies involved for this type of organisation. This has the effect that the schools only have to comply to certain curriculum requirements and have the opportunity to practice only one religion or admit only one gender, which ever might be the case. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :17)

It must also be mentioned that these private institutions pride themselves in providing the best service and highest level of education such as is the case with Yale university as well as Harvard in the United States of America, as this is the trend it is clear that these forms of educational institutes employ more staff, use higher quality materials and spend more on research in order to be at the forefront in the disciplines which they teach in. This yields the result that they spend large amounts of money in order to meet their goals. This money can be gained from research subsidies granted to them by the government or it can all come from the students and or their parents (Altbach & Engberg, 2001:1).

Due to the fact that we find ourselves in an era where technological knowhow and computer literacy is a requirement for most job positions it is vital that the different phases and institutions of education addresses this need in order to effectively provide the community with the best possible electronic education in order to ensure the technological literacy and competence of their students. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :17)

Together with the privatisation of educational institutes came the electronic educational institutes which addressed the need of technological literacy and provided the students with the opportunity to not only study their desired discipline but to also help them to become more computer and technological literate by making use of various forms of technology in order to complete the degree or course they enrolled for. Various forms of electronic educational mediums can be distinguished, some of them include online forms and others are presented using DVDs or CDs in order to convey the required knowledge. The electronic form of education is also available for all the different stages and phases in education and they range from pre-primary and primary institutes to higher educational institutes.

From the above paragraphs it is clear that education changed drastically all over the world in order to adapt to the various new trends, fads and fashions of our ever changing environment. Today education is seen as one of the most crucial and basic human rights people must have by most of the countries around the world due to its importance to ensure growth and development. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :16) The openness to change within the education sector is vital as this will ensure that they will be able to provide in the needs and demands of the students and the companies and individuals which will make use of their specialised skills acquired through the institute of education.

We have seen how education has adapted to suit the needs of people and provide in their quest for more answers and knowledge and this could not have been achieved if people and the education sector was unwilling to change. The most influencing factor of the changes in education is however the different societies and their ever changing needs. The changing nature of education globally has many advantages as well as disadvantages. But these changes are vital for the continued development and growth of the education industry and must the disadvantages be dealt with in order to streamline education for all.
By Willie Trytsman 23 May, 2017
Institutions or otherwise known as social institutions can be defined as the social activities of a society which involves the values and norms to which the members of the society must comply. These values and norms are protected by various penalties which can be designated to a person whom goes against these values and norms. These values and norms as depicted and illustrated by the institutions lay the foundation for the society as they represent the age old accepted societal behaviour of the given society. (Joubert & Snyman 2011, 2011:8)

We can come to the conclusion that not any one single institution is able to function alone and therefore we encounter many different institutions such as the family, education and religious institutions which all have a vital role they play. The necessity of social institutions is the fact that they contribute to the overall flow between the generations of the society. (Joubert & Snyman 2011, 2011:8)

The institution of the family and marriage is currently under the spotlight due to the important function or role it has as institution in the society. As we know, the family plays an important role in the socialisation and the development of children and therefore also in the healthy and sustainable development of society. Due to all the drastic changes and deviations from the traditional norm which occurred over time and is drastically gaining speed within this institution brought the need to investigate this institution in order to determine the effects all of these changes and deviations may or may not have on the family, marriage and society. (Corbett, 2004:1)

The term family refers to a group or company of people whom have a biological linkage which is best described as the mother, father and their children. However this is not true to all families as some couples are unable to have children of their own and they therefore adopt children which replaces the biological link with a legal link. (Corbett, 2004:vi)

We can furthermore distinguish between two different types of families. The first type is the nuclear family which is the normal traditional family consisting of the parents and their children. (Corbett, 2004:2) The second type refers to the broader family which consists of the kin’s which are the cousins, aunts, uncles and so forth. (Corbett, 2004:vi)

As mentioned earlier, the family has gone through various different phases and stages in order to be where it is today. Some of these phases and stages were good whereas others, or most, are bad for the family in general. Different aspects of the family was and is affected by the development of the family. Some aspects includes a change in values, form and structure of the family.

When we look at the biblical guide for a family it is evident that the Old Testament allowed for a form of marriage which is know as polygamy to take place. The basic definition for polygamy is when a person is married to more than one spouse at any particular time of his life. We can distinguish between two different forms of polygamy, the first and the most common form is that of polygyny which refers to a man being married to more than one women and the second form is that of polyandry which refers to a women being married to more than one man; this however is very unlikely to occur. (Zeitzen, 2008 :3)

Due to the fact that the practice of polygamy contributed to sexual sin and lust it was later banned. We read in the New Testament that Christ said that a man should love his own wife, and not own wives. Thus it is clear that this practice is no longer accepted by God. This opened the door and paved the way for the traditional style of marriage and family to emerge. This style is also referred to as the nuclear family. As humans who were born into the sinful world we go tend to go against the traditional or biblical style of marriage and introduced different styles in order to fulfil the need of all peoples. The traditional style is now replaced by homosexual partnerships, cohabitation and polygamy, not very common, to name a few.

Homosexual partnerships are an ever increasing sight all over the world and is a topic of discussion in all sociological and political spheres due to the power it has to influence so many spheres of the society. Homosexual partnerships are also known as same sex marriages, unions or relationships and refer to a romantic relationship between two people of the same sex. This type of relationship is highly discredited by most of the community and marrying a person from the same sex is against the law in most countries and therefore gay couples live together outside marriage. This drastic change in sexual orientation has a major influence on the changing family values within communities. However gay couples are allowed to adopt children if they don’t have any children of their own, this is a point of concern as their children will learned that same sex partnerships are acceptable. (Newman & Grauerholz, 2002:14)

Cohabitation is yet another issue or form of family which was left to go on as it pleases and is acceptable by society as substitute for marriage. Cohabitation refers to a romantically involved couple living together as if they are married. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 ,2011:10) People choose cohabitation because they are afraid of marriage, because they see it as a step in the process of marriage or simply as an alternative for marriage or living alone. (Thornton, Axinn & Xie, 2007:5)

This type of family might have the same structure as a traditional family but is a form immorality. This form of family opens the door for a total crash of family and general values due to the fact that this allows for sex outside of marriage which is a point of concern due to the high rates of sexually transmitted diseases. This also opens the door for the partners to get out at any point of time without any hassle, this again leads to single parenting or the absent farther syndrome which are both part of the growing diversity of family forms and structures.

Lone-parent or single-parent households refers to a household where only one parent is present and or involved in the raising of the child. The cause or causes for this type of family structure with all of its stigmas and problems is mostly attributed to the ever increasing divorce rates, other “bad” reasons which cause much pain to members of this group include cohabitation that went bad, sex outside the walls of marriage. People are classified into the sinful category due
to the fact that they might have had sex outside the marriage, this is also the primary cause for single-parent households. (Dowd, 1999:xii) It must also be noted that these mentioned possible causes or contributing factors are not the only ones, death of a partner, the absence of a partner due to work or other factors or rape are also possible causes for this family structure, but is less known of.

This type of family has many challenges which it must face which may contribute to the decline in family values. Some of these problems may include a lack of discipline due to the fact that the primary parent might be afraid to implement punishment and reward systems out of fear of rejection and rebellion. This along with the possible cause of this situation in which they find themselves will determine the character of the child and may influence his or her sexual orientation due to the lack of a father or mother figure, his chance of success as well as what he or she does with the opportunities they have.

Remarriage and reconstructed families are mostly made up of people from lone-parent households due to the fact that parents of such households are attracted to each other and they need someone to help and support them in raising their children. This type of family refers to a family made up of a mother and father of which one of them or even both have children from previous relationships which they bring into this new family. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :10)

The effect this change in structure may bring is harsh in most cases as the bond that existed between the single-parents and their children is now weaker due to the new love relationship that was made with the new spouse as well as his or her children. This will inevitably result in conflict within the family as feelings of rejection or favouritism will be present. (Newman, 2008:210) Research also shown that this type of family is more likely to end in divorce due to the higher levels of conflict than first marriages. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 :10)

A commonality between most of the discussed types and structures of families is divorce. The higher rate of divorce all over the world undoubtedly play the biggest role in the changing demographics of the family and marriage. This is a privilege man has created for his own benefit and is now slowly but surely catching up with him and destroys lives and families along the way. The trauma and loss of values caused by divorce play a huge role in the society and is the most likely cause of all the problems and challenges which we uncover and discover within the sphere of family and marriage.

Family values have been challenged by humanistic values and open attitudes towards sexuality and divorce. The traditional family was made out as something which locks people in and disregards their human rights. And an outcry by advocates of family values was made even though they knew that the battle against humanistic liberals will make it almost impossible for their cry to be heard by the world. (Joubert & Snyman 2011 2011:11)

When we consider family values we think of things such as honesty, trustworthiness, faithfulness, obedience and self-control to name a few. All of these values and more is learned to members of the family by the process of socialisation. However in this day and age a Biblical  principal know as spanking was removed from families by the law in order to prevent the beating of children. This is a good thing if it is applied correctly, however parents now are the ones who listen and the kids the ones who speak as the kids have more rights than their parents and this law is the way of imprinting discipline into children.

When I listen to the values my parents have had in their families and compare them to the values we have in our family it is quite clear that there are some differences but the basics remained the same. However if I compare the values of our family to those of other families within our society I notice that they vastly differ. This might be because of different cultures, religions or views or due to the total destruction of morals, norms and values. The call is made that the traditional family must be reinstated in its rightful place in order to bring back the balance in society and help combat things such as violence, gangsterism and various substance abuses.

Family values are at the centre of the institution of family and marriage and it is because of the fact that family values are becoming more and more outdated and no longer seen to have any use or value to us we become faced with the problems and deviations as discussed in this response. All of these problems has the potential to bring about a major change in how we as people see marriage, family and relationships as the image we as people created by our lack of interest to sustain good family values will vastly differ from the image which God has intended.

From what we have seen and uncovered it is quite clear that the changes present in the family and marriage structure, form and values may be behind the lack of discipline, respect, control and values of the youth and young people of today. They are deprived from the privileges and positives of a good and stable family environment. Urgent attention must be given and information must be made more readily and easily available to inform and educate people and especially the new generation whom is about to enter the institute of family and marriage so that they can be on the lookout for the dangers and warnings so they can help bring back the balance and traditional family structure, values and form. 
By Willie Trytsman 23 May, 2017
The term Conduct Disorder is the diagnostic categorisation used to refer to children whom presents with a pervasive and persistent pattern of behaviours such as aggression, destruction, deceitfulness and the violation of rules, which are problematic. These children diagnosed with Conduct Disorder experiences higher levels of distress and impairment in all developmental areas as opposed to children whom are diagnosed with other mental health disorders. The early diagnoses of conduct disorder is vital as it can be an indication that the individual will engage in criminal behaviours and be socially maladjusted by the time they become adults, it is also one of the most common reasons for referring children and adolescents for psychological and psychiatric help. (Hughes, Crothers, & Jimerson, 2008)

Conduct Disorder falls under the category of disorders which are usually first diagnosed in infancy, childhood or adolescence in the DSM-IV. The diagnostic criteria, or symptoms, of conduct disorder according to the DSM-IV is the repetitive and persistent occurrence of behaviour which violates the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate social rules or norms. The said behaviours can be classified as aggressive conduct that can cause or threaten the physical integrity of other humans or animals, non-aggressive behaviour but which can cause damage or loss to property, behaviours which are deceitful or which involves stealing and behaviour which seriously violates rules. In order to make the diagnosis of conduct disorder all of the above mentioned behaviours need to be presented during last year with at least one being present the last six months and the disturbance in behaviour cause clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 1994)

The treating of conduct disorder is a very complex matter as there are more than five hundred and fifty different types of treatment utilised in conduct disorder interventions in children and adolescents. Various approaches to the treating of conduct disorder has been found to be ineffective. The treatments found to be ineffective includes variations of psychodynamic therapies, play therapy as well as relationship-based treatment approaches and group therapy as in hospital and residential settings. The reality is that the treatments which are empirically supported, such as more comprehensive treatments, are the least likely to be utilised and are also generally unavailable. ( www.fordham.edu )
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