Cultivate good manners in your children

Clarence Thomas said: “Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.”

Never underestimate the importance of good manners. Children need to be taught at a young age to be kind and more considerate of others. Good manners are far more than just saying please and thank you. For good manners to really shine through it must become part of a person’s character. It is in the way things are said, and not just what is being said. In the way you greet and treat people. A “good morning” accompanied by a cold stare, can hurt someone’s feelings just as much as to not be greeted at all.

Children need to be taught to treat themselves, all other persons, animals and nature with respect. Remember, young children will copy what they see adults do. If you talk down to other people, they are going to copy that. If you treat everyone the same, they will do it too.

EQ4Kids Director, Antoinette Steyn, has the following tips on how you can teach your child good manners:

• Start with the basics of “please” and “thank you” and add to that.
  
• Encourage your child to politely greet other people.
  
• Always be consistent in your teachings.
  
• We used to have “anti-manners” dinners at home during which all manners were put off for that moment, no saying please or thank you, nothing. Afterwards, we will reflect on how awful and disastrous things can be without good manners. We would really play it out – I would be heartbroken for everyone not being thankful for the dinner I prepared, my husband would be disappointed about his wife who he loves so dearly, not getting the respect she deserves. Forcing the children to go and pour us something to drink and forcing them without thanking them gave them an opportunity to discuss how unappreciated they felt. We used to do this occasionally while they were still very young.
  
• Let your children take turns to be “manner officers” during dinner. Make a badge the child, who is responsible at a certain night, can wear. He/she is then responsible for pointing out bad behaviour, like chewing while talking etc.
  
• Help your child draw thank you/compliment notes which can be handed out to random people for good behaviour. Carry it with you in the shops, to a friend’s house etc., help your child look for potential people who deserve a note.
  
• Help your child to understand his actions. Discuss reasons which might have led to him/her acting in a certain way and make them aware of alternative correct manners which could have been used.
  
• Use the “jelly tots” game. During dinner time each person gets 5 jelly tots in front of them. Whenever they see someone displaying bad manners they get to take one of their jelly tots. The one with the most jelly tots at the end of dinner gets something like, a glass of chocolate milk, as a reward.
  
• Have “pretend dinner parties” at your house where you pretend that your kids are your guests of honour. Light candles and make special food. They must go to the front door and ring the bell, they must make use of good manners, greeting you well and displaying good behaviour all through the dinner party. My kids discovered a lot of depth that could be added to their manner styles through this activity, such as listening with their whole body and smiling when someone tells something which excites them, as well as different ways of saying thank you.

Children practically grow up with smart phones in their hands and are exposed to the social media from an early age. Teach them that good manners are important when communicating through electronic devices too.

This include things like not writing anything just in capital letters, because we don’t want to let the other person think we are screaming at them.
They should also always remember that there is a person with real emotions and feelings behind the twitter, snap chat or Facebook accounts. Teach them if they are not prepared to say something to a person in real life, they shouldn’t say it on social media either.

The words they are not allowed to say in real life they may not type, use emoticons, for either.

Their real-life persona and their online persona should be the same. They should always remember the values and manners that they hold onto in real life, are also important when they communicate with someone online.

Teach them to always read and think before they send, because once something is “out” there, you can’t get it back.

Enrolling your children in EQ4Kids classes or workshops will assist you in your great educational task pertaining to all the necessary emotional skills to survive in the 21st Century. Contact usto find a franchise near you.