Help Your Child Develop Empathy

Empathy allows us to put ourselves in the shoes of another person.  Being able to understand how others feel is a critical part of emotional intelligence.  Empathy is not just about being able to recognise the emotions of others, it is also about being able to understand what the person is going though and being able to adapt your responses in such a way that you do not make matters worse for the person feeling emotionally overwhelmed.  Empathy is a complex skill to develop.  When you are able to make use of this skill, it basically means that:

• You understand that you are a separate individual from the other person;
• You understand that others have different thoughts, feelings and opinions and experience all these elements in a different way;
• You are able to recognise general or common feelings which most people regularly experience (e.g. happy, sad, disappointed);
• You can look at a specific situation and truly imagine how a person is feeling in that moment;
• You can recognise the appropriate responses in a particular situation (e.g. offering comfort etc.)

Remember to show empathy to your own child.  Establishing a strong, secure and loving relationship with your child plays a big role in developing their empathy.  When a child feels accepted and understood by his/her parents they are more likely to accept and understand other people or empathise with them.

Talk about the feelings of other people.  Point out situation or examples to your child in which other people has to deal with certain emotions.  As they get older you can help them learn more skills with regards to how they can comfort others or offer assistance.

Validate your child’s feelings.  It is often the first instinct of a parent to help a child feel better or to rescue them from having to feel certain feelings.  It is however important to remember that overwhelming feelings is part of life.  We need to allow kids to experience these emotions and help them believe in their abilities to overcome them and regulate their responses thereto.  These types of responses can also help kids in to be able to empathise with others when feeling strong and overwhelming feelings.

Help them understand the meaning of “I am sorry”.  It contributes nothing to learning the skill of empathy if we continuously force our kids to say “I am Sorry”.  We need to enable them to understand the concept and the meaning of saying sorry before we can expect them to use the term appropriately.  This will ask of you as a parent to help your child understand the effect of their actions and by pointing out the feelings of others involved. 



Be Patient.  Empathy skills does not develop overnight. It is a complex skill which will develop over the course of your child’s life.