Help Your Child Understand Their Feelings

Research confirms the benefits and effectiveness of clear training in emotional intelligence starting at a very young age. Numerous studies found that pre-schoolers who participate in social-emotional skills programs show less aggression and anxiety and become better social problem solvers. Most parents don’t realise that pro-social behaviour in early childhood can be strongly linked with future academic performance as well as mental health. When children can learn from as young as possible to calm themselves and healthily express how they feel, they are busy laying the foundation for future wellness and success.

It is very important to foster your child’s emotional literacy and to teach and encourage your child to understand and express emotions correctly. Start off by teaching your child to name emotions. Empathy can assist in developing overall emotional intelligence. The more you start making your child aware of the feelings of other people, the more likely his/her own natural empathy will be aroused and in turn, the more helpful he/she will want to be.

At the age of 3 a child is beginning to realise that he/she has different emotions and starts to recognise them. Your child still has very little control over them at this age. If your child feels something he will act on it and not always emotionally in the correct manor. Your child doesn’t yet fully grasp the difference between appropriate and inappropriate reactions at the age of three. This can be seen by him/her crying over something they cannot get or snatching toys away from a sibling or friend. This is where your job as a parent comes in. You need to start teaching your child how to interact with others and how to deal with emotions – and if you are already doing so I really want you to be proud of yourself. I have worked with problematic children before and could immediately see the damage done to a child through his/her parent’s neglect in teaching their child important concepts relating to emotions.

It can sometimes be very difficult to teach children how to deal with feelings in the correct manor as well as to understand the feelings of other people. It is one of the six most important life skills that any child can be taught. Kids are less likely to exhibit behaviour problems when they know how to express their feelings in a socially appropriate manor. When a child has the ability to say “I feel tired” or “I am mad at you”, they will be less likely to throw a tantrum or resort to acting out what they feel in inappropriate ways. Start teaching your child as young as possible how to talk about their feelings and teach them healthy ways to deal with and express their feelings.

Teach your child as many “feelings” words as possible. Very young children should be taught words such as mad, sad, scared or happy. Older children can be taught more complex words such as frustrated, nervous or disappointed. Point out the expressions of certain feelings to your child. E.g. when you are watching a story on the television, tell your child “I think that lady is mad now, look at her face”. Create opportunities to talk about feelings and encourage your child to always try and verbalise how they feel. Point out your child’s feelings to them as they are experiencing them. Create this awareness by for instance saying to them things like, “you look very happy that we are going to visit grandma today – are you?”

It is important to raise children to feel safe to express their feelings. This is not just to protect our closeness to our children, as parents, but also to ensure that our children enjoy the most loving and lasting friendships and relationships throughout their lives. 

We must consciously raise our children to feel safe and encouraged to express themselves. We must encourage our children not to hit, scream and be destructive, but to express their feelings by talking about it. Whenever your child throws a tantrum, cries or gets furiously mad, try and calm them down as best you can and once they are calm and collected – spend some time to assist them in explaining how exactly they felt at that moment. Express certain of your own feelings to your child and give him/her a chance to help you come up with solutions.

We want our kids to have feelings but to learn how to not get overwhelmed by what they feel. They need to learn to feel dejected or disappointed without giving up. They need to be able to feel exited without becoming impulsive or feel scared but be brave anyway. It is a great necessity to teach our children to regulate their emotions effectively and have emotional control.

Many children get labelled as uncontrolled, difficult, making poor choices and many other things – when it is just a case of such a child feeling overwhelmed by the emotions of a specific moment and struggling to deal with them effectively. 

Children need to know that their feelings will be heard which can help them to effectively learn how to regulate their emotions. 

From birth, a child’s social and emotional experiences shape how they will handle life. It is true that the things which “shakes” you, can “shape” you. Many brain research studies suggest that emotional memory stored in the brain during the first five year of life is lasting.

Expand on your child’s ability to recognise emotions. Encourage them to explain their emotions and not just identify them. Remember to set an example for your child on how to express emotions.