Parents and children need to develop their EQ!

We are living in a world where there is constant change. What was unheard of 20/30 years ago, has now become the norm. Just think internet, social media, and how our phones have become mini computers in our pockets.

Not only have the advancement in technology changed the way we communicate forever, it also had a radical impact on the available jobs and careers. In the 80s children still learned how to type on typewriters at school to prepare for jobs such as secretaries and journalists. A mere 10 years later nobody had typewriters anymore.

The first social media platforms only saw the light in the late 90s. Nobody thought that it would take over the world and that social media managers would become a career choice 20 years later.

Parenting cannot be done the same way that it was done when you, your mother or grandmother grew up. The over 40s will remember the great pressure we were under to perform well in IQ tests, to take all the traditional subjects, to eventually qualify for well-established career paths in medicine, law, education, finances etc. You were supposed to get your diploma or degree, then start at a company and stay there until retirement. Not anymore!

Now we must teach our children entrepreneurial and business skills. They must know how to start and run their own businesses. Doing extremely well in the final matric examinations does not put them on a course for success anymore. IQ have become far less important than having emotional intelligence.

Companies are looking for people who can handle the constant pressure, who can work independently, as well as get along with people from all cultures, religions and sexual orientation. People who know how to think for themselves, be creative, be in touch with their emotions and be able to manage those emotions. Above all they must embrace change and be extremely adaptable both in skills and thought patterns.
You have the responsibility to raise your children as independent, multi-skilled, go-getters with good communication and relationship skills. It’s a tall order. Especially if you, like most of today’s adults, never learnt how to deal with emotions and only recently heard about the existence of emotional intelligence.

Fortunately, it is never too late to improve your own emotional intelligence levels.

Emotional Intelligence guru’s like Dan Coleman divide emotional intelligence into four domains, i.e. self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. He explains the domains as follows:

“Self-Awareness concerns knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions. The Self-Awareness cluster contains three competencies:

• Emotional Awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects.
  
• Accurate Self-Assessment: Knowing one’s strengths and limits.
  
• Self-Confidence: A strong sense of one’s self-worth and capabilities.
  

• Emotional Self-Control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check.
  
• Transparency: Maintaining integrity, acting congruently with one’s values.
  
• Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change.
  
• Achievement: Striving to improve or meeting a standard of excellence.
  
• Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities.
  
• Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks.
  

• Empathy: Sensing others’ feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns.
  
• Organizational Awareness: Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships.
  
• Service Orientation: Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ needs.
  

• Developing Others: Sensing others’ development needs and bolstering their abilities.
  
• Inspirational Leadership: Inspiring and guiding individuals and groups.
  
• Change Catalyst: Initiating or managing change.
  
• Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion.
  
• Conflict Management: Negotiating and resolving disagreements.
  
• Teamwork & Collaboration: Working with others toward shared goals. Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals.”

The best way to start developing your emotional intelligence is to know yourself. Do you know what is your temperament? Do you know your strong and weak points? Have you dealt with emotional baggage from your past?

I strongly recommend you read EQ4Kids Director Lynette Beer’s blogs, it will help you on your journey to a better EQ.

In the meantime, follow these basic guidelines to help your child to be in touch and in control of his/her emotions:

1. Accept all their emotions. Remember, that an emotion cannot be classified as good or bad. What is important is how we react to them. For example: When you are angry, you acknowledge that you feel anger, but instead of breaking things or hurting somebody, we practice deep breathing and calm down first before we talk about what had happened.
   
2. Help your child to put a name to what they are feeling. For example: “I can see that you are upset because you can’t play outside. You are feeling disappointed because it is raining today, aren’t you?”
   
3. Always encourage them to talk about their feelings. Ask them how something made them feel.
   
4. When you read them a story, make sure you talk to your child about the main characters’ feelings. Ask questions such as, how do you think Timmy felt when his dog ran away? How did he feel when he found him again?
   
5. Teach them to take a break when they are getting upset, overwhelmed or tired. Arrange a place in the house where they can go to calm down. Have a corner with calming music ready, books they can page through or colouring books and crayons. You know your child, if they calm down while playing with their building blocks, make sure you have blocks there. They should know that’s where they should go if they need some alone time to calm down and relax.
   
6. Teach your child positive self-talk and to keep on trying even if they are struggling with something. Praise their efforts.
   
7. Make sure your preschool child always knows how much he/she is loved. For a child to feel valued and to have a sense of security contributes greatly to their self-worth. Offer affection, kisses and cuddles to your child, not just in the happy moments but also in the aftermath of tantrums in order to show a child that your love is not conditional.
   
8. Encourage your child to try new things.
   
9. Always try and give your preschooler your undivided attention. Spend some quality time with each child individually.
   
10. Have discussions around the dinner table where each family member gets an opportunity to answer questions such as “Who did something today that was really hard?”, “Who made a mistake today from which they can learn something?” or “Who had something they struggled with today?” It is important for parents to also answer these questions with regards to themselves and share their age appropriate feelings with their child.
    

We, at Eq4Kids, believe that children from as young as 3-years can start to develop their EQ. You can help your child immensely in the process by enrolling him/her in one of our nationwide classes. Contact us to find a franchise near you.