Blog Post

Your Circumstances Does Not Determine Your Fate

Antoinette Steyn • May 25, 2020
Dr. James M. Barry was a young and excellent military surgeon. He was only 5 feet tall but was a brilliant swordsman, the champion of his unit and he was an excellent shot to boot. During an illustrious career in the British Army, progressing to the rank of General, Dr. Barry eventually accepted a placement as military surgeon in Cape Town. Here he was known to have saved the life of one of Lord Charles Somerset’s daughters, against all odds, and eventually became good friends with Lord Charles. In 1826, whilst stationed in Cape Town, Dr. Barry was called to attend to one Mrs. Wilhelmina Munnik who had been in labour at that stage for an excessive amount of time. To the extent that the situation had become life-threatening for both mother and baby. The midwife attending to her had tried everything and wasn’t sure what to do next.  

Dr. Barry found that a normal birth wouldn’t be possible and an emergency C-section had to be performed on Mrs. Munnik. In those days a C-section was the last option to save a baby and it was also accepted that after a C-section the mother would certainly die. In those days there were no anaesthetics and bacteria wasn’t discovered yet. Washing hands was not yet considered as an important part of keeping infections from spreading. Jeremy Dronfield one of the co-writers of the book in Dr. Barry’s life however writes that Dr. Barry had a “radical dedication towards hygiene”.  

Dr. Barry clearly was a man before his time. Mrs. Munnik was held down and Dr. Barry performed the C-section on her. Medical history was made that night. Not only did Dr. Barry save the baby, he continued to save the life of Mrs. Munnik as well. Dr. Barry performed the first recorded successful C-section in the British Empire in which both mother and baby survived. Mrs. Munnik named her son James Barry Munnik in honour of Dr. Barry. In the Munnik family in every generation up to today there is a boy who was named James Barry Munnik. Dr. Barry retired holding the rank of Inspector General, the highest rank which can be obtained by a medical Doctor in the British military.

Dr. Barry passed away at the age of 76 in 1865. After Dr. Barry’s death, on performing a post-mortem examination, a shocking discovery was made. Dr. Barry was in fact a woman! The British military and medical profession found themselves in a position where they had to face a big scandal. In those days no woman was allowed in the military not to mention being promoted to the rank of a General. Woman simply weren’t allowed to become medical doctors either not to mention becoming a surgeon.  

The British Military covered up the story and said nothing about it. Dr. Barry was buried as a man and all records with regards to the story was sealed for a 100 years. Dr. Barry’s true identity only surfaced in the year 2008 after researchers and writer Michael du Preez discovered her true name, Margaret Anne Bulkley. She was born in Cork in Ireland in 1789. When she was a teenager, her father was subjected to civil imprisonment for bad debt. During this time she was raped by her uncle and accordingly gave birth to his child.  

At the age of 19 she cut her hair and dressed herself as a man. She entered herself in the Edinburg University in order to become a surgeon. She qualified in 1812 and joined the British Military. After her retirement she kept on living as a man. This was undoubtedly to avoid unnecessary drama, conflict and publicity. After her death various pictures cut out of a magazine of the latest fashion for women was found pasted in her suitcase lid. Even though Dr. Barry had to become a man in order to live her dream, she never stopped being a woman either.

Her story serves as a great testimony of the fact that a person has the ability to reach their goals despite their circumstances. If Dr. Barry chose to focus on the challenges which stood in her way instead of creating new opportunities she never would have been able to live her dream, let alone achieve the incredible things she did. In this life there will be many medical discoveries which will never be made, new inventions that will never be invented and records that will never be broken due to the fact that many talented people focus on what keeps them from achieving their goal rather than focusing on the things which can help them achieve their goals.

Life is a lot like a mirror and the image reflecting back at you is a direct image of your own outlook, thoughts, opinions, perceptions and expectations. We are not defined by what happens to us, the negative opinions of others or even the things done to us by others, but we are defined by our reaction towards these things. 

Share Post

Complete the following form if you require more info about EQ4kids or want to enroll your child at your nearest Franchise.

Blog Enquiry

The Role of Calm Environment in Managing Childhood Anxiety
By Donna Maurer 15 Mar, 2024
Childhood anxiety is a real theme that affects many households today. This is because parents' busy lives and hectic schedules can easily trickle down to children. Children also have access to social media and technology. On one hand, it can be a powerful tool; on the other, it can be disruptive.
The Link Between Physical Appearance and Self-Perception in Children
By Donna Maurer 28 Feb, 2024
If there’s one thing we can all agree on is that children grow up too fast. Unless we keep close tabs, years pass quicker than we can track, and we can miss out on many experiences our little ones go through in their early life. Children are like sponges – they absorb and identify with their circumstances. Relationships in their home and school affect every aspect of their life, and creating safe, open, and welcoming surroundings for them to grow up in is essential.
Planner Power: How Kids Can Organize Their Day and Have Fun
By Donna Maurer 19 Feb, 2024
It seems like today’s kids have a lot going on. Between sports, school, and other recreational activities, kids can have a hard time keeping up. Having a say in their schedule can be a powerful tool, and that’s why having a planner can make such a positive impact.
7 Positive Parenting Resources You’ll Want to Check Out
By External Article 30 Jun, 2022
People always say it takes a village to raise a kid, but I’m convinced it takes a village to raise parents, too. Once those sweet cherubs arrive, it’s really the PARENTS who need the help–the encouragement, the guidance, and the wisdom to become the parents they’ve always wanted to be. While I’ve dedicated my life to teaching Positive Parenting strategies to thousands of families , I’m also the first to seek out experts on topics outside my wheelhouse. I love sharing resources I know will bring measurable, easy-to-implement relief and long-term support to families in our Positive Parenting Solutions community. Lucky for all of us, there are a plethora of people and companies who’ve dedicated their time to creating tools, programs, and resources that seamlessly support parents who are trying to implement Positive Parenting strategies in their home. Here are a few of my favorite resources that complement our Positive Parenting Solutions course . I’ve divided the list into “Parent-Focused Resources” (you know the drill…put YOUR oxygen mask on first!) and “Kid-Focused Resources.” Parent-Focused Resources Comedian Jim Gaffigan once said, “You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.” Whether you have one kid or 10, I think every parent can relate to Gaffigan’s sentiment–we feel forever-behind, overwhelmed, and exhausted on the daily. Yes, I know you’d do anything for your children, but here’s what YOUR kids need most: a healthy, content, in-control, and capable YOU! I know that notion may feel like a pipe-dream, but it’s exactly why I want you to check out a few of my all-time favorite parent-centered resources that will help YOU get your life organized and on track. 1. The Step Program Family Organization Solution Why I love it: I’m obsessed with The STEP Program from Learn Do Become because you’ll learn how to stop drowning in piles of paper, clutter, emails, and to-do lists! The STEP Program , from my good friends April and Eric Perry, will give you a step-by-step roadmap (along with ongoing support) to organize your home, office, and life while building a strong family! How does it support Positive Parenting? Let’s be honest, it can be difficult to get your parenting life in order when your home life feels like constant chaos. Instead of daily disorder and chaos, imagine having a well-organized “Command Central”– a place where everything is organized and you know exactly what needs to be done and when. Imagine freeing up your mental and physical “clutter” so you have the time and energy to be the best positive parent you can be for your kids. That’s exactly what you’ll learn to do in The STEP program . As someone who struggles in the organization department (ask my teammates or my husband !)–I can’t recommend this program highly enough! 2. The Balanced Life Online Fitness and Health Solution Why I love it: I love this program because it removes the obstacles for moms who are short on time—and actually equips them to lead a healthy balanced lifestyle. My sweet friend, Robin Long created a perfectly doable, comprehensive online wellness solution that fits YOUR schedule–with an incredibly supportive online member community called the “Sisterhood.” In the “Sisterhood,” Robin offers monthly pilates workouts for ALL SKILL LEVELS (ranging from 10-30 minutes), healthy and family-friendly recipes, and an entire library of searchable pilates workouts. (Plus! A portion of every purchase goes to support children in need.) The other reason I’m obsessed with this program is because Robin is just SO REAL. She is a mom of four (including newborn twins!) and she gets us! She understands busy moms and she’s tailored the program to work with our lives, not compete with them. How does it support Positive Parenting? Let’s be honest, even though you KNOW your health is important–family life happens. And on queue, your health needs get sent to the sideline while you give every bit of mental and physical energy to take care of everyone else. You wait for a “less busy season” so you can “get back on track”–but that time never comes. Even in the busiest seasons of your life, The Balanced Life is the perfect safe-zone to get back on track so YOU can be the healthiest, happiest version of yourself–and be the loving, patient, positive parent to the people you love most! Kid-Focused Resources Now that parents have the resources to become the best versions of themselves, here are a few of my favorite kid-focused resources. These courses and programs are designed to address specific parenting struggles and I look to these instructors for wisdom in each of these areas! 3. Kids Cook Real Food Kids’ Cooking Solution Why I love it: While the entire Kitchen Stewardship website is a goldmine when it comes to healthy living, let me draw your attention to their Kids Cook Real Food Online Course . This, my friends, is for any parent who’s ever wondered, “Is it worth letting them ‘help’ if they leave eggshells in the bowl and splatter spaghetti sauce all over the walls when they are manning the whisk?” I get it. It often feels MORE difficult to invite kiddos into the kitchen when you’re just trying to get dinner on the table. But have no fear, Katie Kimball leads you step-by-step through a comprehensive cooking course that will teach your child (and YOURSELF) how to cook safely in the kitchen. With suggestions for kids of all ages–toddlers to teens–you’ll give your children life-long culinary skills that will benefit them (and any future spouse) for years to come! How does it support Positive Parenting? Equipping children to do tasks around the house will have life-long benefits as your kids grow into adults. With each new skill they learn in the kitchen, they’ll feel more confident and independent–which is what Positive Parenting is all about! Kids of all ages love to help around the kitchen–I mean, what kid DOESN’T want to wield a knife? Unfortunately, parents often turn away the help from younger children, but then get upset when their teenager no longer wants to help. If the long-term goal is to have a teenager who helps around the house and in the kitchen, we need to steward and encourage the “help” from our littles–even if it does take a little training and a few tries to get it right! 4. Oh Crap! Potty Training Course Potty Training Solution Why I love it: It’s simple and specific. My friend, Jamie Glowacki, is my absolute favorite person to potty talk with. She is truly an expert in the potty training arena and has helped THOUSANDS of parents tackle this potentially treacherous season. The Oh Crap! Potty Training Course is filled with action-packed strategies and step-by-step instructions to guide parents through the dreaded potty training days. How does it support Positive Parenting? Jamie’s method is fast, effective and gentle. She equips parents with the tools they need so potty training doesn’t turn into a power struggle. Her method isn’t punitive or rewards-based making it the PERFECT complement for any Positive Parenting Journey. Positive Parenting Solutions members will recognize Jamie from our Potty Training 101 advanced module! 5. The Birds and the Bees Solutions Center Positive Sex Education Solution Why I love it: It’s the conversation so many parents DREAD having–you want to teach your kids about the birds and the bees but aren’t sure how to do it in an age-appropriate way. You know it’s important to talk about their private parts, but how do you do it in a less awkward way? I love Amy Lang’s courses because she gives parents actionable steps and SCRIPTS to engage in healthy conversations about body parts and sex in a way that supports YOUR family values. No need to worry about “what” to say, Amy gives you everything you need! Plus! She has course offerings for Preschoolers to Teens! How does it support Positive Parenting? First, Amy Lang is a certified Positive Discipline instructor so her strategies most definitely align with Positive Parenting strategies . Her courses focus on maintaining open communication with your children and having honest conversations about bodies and sex so your children will view you as a trusted and valued resource on the topic–and so they’ll feel comfortable coming to you when they have questions. Plus! Amy takes the guesswork out of tackling the conversations which is a win-win for everyone! Positive Parenting Solutions members will recognize Amy from the Talking to Kids About Sex In a Way that Supports Your Family Values advanced module in the online course ! 6. GoZen Child Anxiety Solutions Why I love it: My friend, Renee Jain, created GoZen for kids ages 4-15-ish who struggle with high stress and anxiety. I love this program because kids learn by watching animated cartoons–really! Kids watch engaging, entertaining cartoons to learn skills of resilience and well-being. In addition, imaginative games, workbooks, and quizzes enrich their learning. GoZen also has programs to teach resilience skills for kids who struggle with OCD, panic attacks, negative thoughts and more. How does it support Positive Parenting? The underlying goal of Positive Parenting is to meet the emotional needs of our children FIRST. While all humans have the same hardwired needs for belonging and significance, some children have additional emotional needs that must be addressed for Positive Parenting strategies to work effectively. For children who experience high levels of anxiety and stress in particular situations, it’s critical for them to learn the skills to recognize those feelings and work through them so they can be the best versions of themselves. GoZen has the resources you need to address any deeper emotional needs to ensure Positive Parenting works effectively for your child. Positive Parenting Solutions members will recognize Renee in the Help for the Anxious Child advanced module in the online course! 7. The Social Institute Social Media Training for Kids Solution Why I love it: Social media expert and 4 time Duke All-American athlete, Laura Tierney designed The Social Institute to help kids WIN at social media. The Social Institute takes a kid-centered approach to social media by empowering children to take control of their online presence. Through games, interactives, and group instruction, The Social Institute is bringing parents, students, and teachers the most revolutionary social media curriculum. How does it support Positive Parenting? One of the primary goals of Positive Parenting is to raise responsible, capable, and independent children . While it may seem easier (and sometimes necessary) to simply forbid all social media from your home or block particular websites, The Social Institute TEACHES children how to use social media responsibly. By equipping kids with the appropriate tools and wisdom to use social media responsibly, parents no longer have to worry about limiting access altogether. Plus, when children feel a sense of power and control over their lives, they are more resilient, respectful and less likely to act out. Positive Parenting Solutions members will recognize Laura from the Social Media Training for Kids advanced module. Final Thoughts While there are many incredible tools, courses, and resources on the market to support a Positive Parenting journey, it’s imperative parents are also equipped with a toolbox of Positive Parenting discipline strategies.  Our comprehensive online parenting course is designed for toddlers to teens because we know parents need a life-long, foolproof roadmap to handle the biggest power struggles. I know firsthand because I’ve been there–and so have thousands of other families. Original Article - Positive Parenting Solutions
Adults Who Weren’t Allowed To Express Their Feelings As Children
By Antoinette Steyn 26 May, 2022
Children who are not allowed to express their feelings can have a life-lasting effect. Some of these effects might include
Think Before You Respond To Your Child
By Antoinette Steyn 26 May, 2022
We all find it difficult sometimes to not react in the heat of the moment. We even encounter moments as parents where we blurt out things we never intended to say with a tone of voice we often don’t even recognise as our own.
Tips To Help Your Family Members Keep Their Chin Up
By Antoinette Steyn 28 Apr, 2022
Creating a positive atmosphere in a household and a healthy emotional climate can help kids to have more overall positive days.
Helping Your Child Look After Their Mental Health
By Antoinette Steyn 28 Apr, 2022
As parents we sometimes get emerged in school exams, tests and assessments and sometimes neglect the mental health of our children.
Family Responsibilities
By Antoinette Steyn 28 Apr, 2022
One of the biggest responsibilities that every member of a family has, is the responsibility to ensure that they build good relationships with their family members.
Show More
Share by: