Emotional Suppression
Emotional suppression can have devastating effects, especially in the long run. There are many things that cause kids to learn this behaviour including:
- Dismissive parents;
- Emotions not being validated;
- A great concern for what others think about you;
Here are a few things to remember in order to refrain from suppressing emotions:
ALLOW FEELINGS TO EXIST/EXPRESSED APPROPRIATELY
We are not responsible to fix the emotions of others, however, we can make room for the emotions of others.
BE AWARE OF EMOTIONAL BODY SIGNALS
This is especially helpful to teach to kids. Our body often reacts in various ways (e.g tummy ache, making a fist, feeling jittery etc.). When we become aware of the messages our body is trying to communicate to us, we can use this opportunity to consciously identify what we are feeling and accordingly reconstruct our thoughts in order to appropriately regulate what we are feeling.
BREATHING EXERCISES
Breathing exercises have always been a helpful tool when it comes to calming ourselves down. A great breathing technique that can be taught to kids is to breathe in for 4 seconds and to breathe out for 8 seconds whenever they react to whatever is happening around them. It is also important to explain to kids that every situation does not always require their reaction.
LABEL THE FEELING
When we label what we feel, it leaves room for processing and regulating our emotions. It also gives us the opportunity to reassess what is happening around us or integrate these feelings when deciding on the appropriate behaviour or reaction to resort to.
There are also many things which we often say to our kids and the chances are good that we say these things to ourselves as well, such as:
“Don’t frown or show that you are upset, just smile”
- This can teach kids to perform their feelings rather than addressing and regulating what they are truly feeling
“Just shake it off”
- This can teach our kids that pain or challenges are something that needs to be pushed away
“You are not a small child anymore, you need to stop doing that”
- This can put our kids under the impression that feelings are something they need to outgrow and that feelings are “childish”.
Many adults still believe that is not safe to process emotions and that it is much easier to push them away or act as if they do not exist. Feelings should be seen in a positive light, there are challenging feelings, overwhelming feelings and strong feelings, but no feeling should be considered a bad feeling.
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