Giving Kids Critical Feedback
Antoinette Steyn • October 30, 2020
Often times, parent’s shy away from giving their kids critical feedback. Some parent’s belief that it will only ruin their child’s level of confidence or harm their self-esteem. It is important that parents give constructive feedback in such a way that their kids will understand that feedback can help them learn more about the situation in which they find themselves and more about themselves. Remember the following when giving your child feedback:
- We all make mistakes and so will your kids. We cannot protect them at the expense of not telling them what they need to hear. If we do not give our kids honest feedback, they can miss out on important learning and growth opportunities. When we go too “easy” on our kids we sometimes take away their responsibilities. It can place them under the impression that the tried their best and can lead to them feeling powerless and unable to improve.
- Be specific in your feedback. With specific feedback we can help our kids identify what exactly went wrong and what they can do to improve. With specific feedback we can also teach kids more about the concept of what is “in their control” and “what is out of their control”
- Be specific in your praise. If we only say things to a child such as: “you are so clever, that is why you are doing this so well”, it can cause them to end up in a situation where they fail at something and think that in this instance, they were not smart enough. Rather praise specific steps they took or certain aspects of an approach they made use of. Specific praise can also be aimed at making use of certain life skills such as having shown self-control in a certain situation.
Effective emotionally intelligent conversations include being able to
- Confirm your understanding during a conversation;
- Being able to notice and take into account non-verbal gestures;
- Being able to reframe things in a more positive light;
- The ability to offer assistance or suggestions instead of criticism;
- Avoid blaming others
Remember. Your child will learn valuable skills in communicating with emotional intelligence if you are able to communicate with them and others in this way.
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