Practical ways to develop your child’s social skills

Social skills form the basis of all human relationships. The better your social skills are the greater chance you have of being successful, not only in your career, but in your interpersonal relationships as well. It is therefore important to develop a child’s social skills from the start.

Children gain a lot of experience and learn a lot of important social skills through playing and interacting with friends. The key to strong preschool social skills is emotional competence. Social development in children builds on a child’s primary relationship which is of course the bond they have with parents or their guardian.

It appears many aspects of social development are an innate part of a child’s temperament, but we also know that environmental factors can play a big role in shaping the social development of a child. Psychologists have become increasingly aware of the fact that social skills can and should be taught to children. There are many studies which have proven that shy children can become more outgoing, children who tend to isolate themselves can be taught to make friends and aggressive children can learn to have better self-control.

Always remember to teach your child new skills in an age-appropriate way. Herewith are some practical tips you can do to develop your child’s social skills from EQ4Kids’ Director, Antoinette Steyn:

At this age, children are still learning how to get along with other children. It can be helpful if you as a parent can plan different activities for your child to do at home before a friend comes over to play. Encourage your child to be a part of deciding what he/she would like to play with when the friend comes over.

This is a great age to start reading stories to your child on positive friendships.

Start making your child aware of your appreciation for your own friendships.

Start teaching your child to count to five/ten before reacting/to calm down.

Practice different ways to start a conversation with your child as well as different ways to get a person’s attention.

Teach your child how to approach different friends with whom he/she wants to play.

Whenever your child experiences something new, ask them whether they have any questions they want to ask to find out more about the new experience.

Start teaching your child how to make choices first through simple activities like:

• When it is Grandpa’s birthday ask your child to help you decide what gift to get him. Discuss what he likes, what his hobbies are and what the pros and cons of certain gifts will be.
  
• Start sizing up decisions. Teach your child that decisions fall into categories of small, medium and large. Small decisions might include deciding which snack to take to school and requires much less time to decide upon. Medium decisions might include deciding which book to read because it requires a little more thought. Large decisions can be things like choosing which hobby to start doing or which sport to start participating in, these decisions call for more time and needs to be thought through. The next time your child struggles to decide which juice to order at the restaurant, remind your child that it is part of the small decisions.
  
• Help your child engage their critical thinking skills and sharpen their decision-making skills by playing the “what if” game. Make up examples in which they must make a choice. E.g. “What if you get invited to two different parties which will be held on the same day at the same time, how will you choose which one to go to?”
  

• How to start conversations.
  
• How to express what I want/don’t want and what I feel.
  
• How to compliment other people.
  

Here is a list of some of the basic things a child must be taught to do to contribute to the development of his/her social skills. Review the list and reinforce those your 6-year-old child might struggle with:

• Saying please and thank you;
  
• Deal with anger and frustration;
  
• Ask questions appropriately;
  
• Accepting consequences administered by a teacher;
  
• Accepting responsibility for own behavior;
  
• Dealing with losing/frustration/insults/making a mistake in an appropriate manner;
  
• Starting a conversation with others;
  
• Joining a group activity which is already in progress;
  
• Following directions;
  
• Making friends;
  
• Complimenting others;
  
• Understanding the feelings of others;
  
• Compromising on issues;
  
• Cooperating with peers;
  
• Coping with taunts and verbal/physical threats/aggression from others;
  
• Seeking attention in an appropriate manner;
  
• Waiting your turn.