Een sin kan baie probleme veroorsaak vir kinders…

Antoinette Steyn • July 7, 2021

Jy laat mamma bekommerd voel”, “Jy maak mamma so kwaad”, “Jy maak pappa se hart seer”, “Jy maak my mal”.  Die sin “Jy maak my…” kan ‘n negatiewe langtermyn effek op jou kind hê.  Dit is nie die verantwoordelikheid van ons kinders om in beheer te wees van ons as ouers se emosies nie.  Elkeen van ons voel dit wat ons voel as gevolg van ons eie ervaringe en interpretasies daarvan. 


Ons het nie die reg om die blaam vir enige van ons emosies op ons kinders te plaas nie.  Stellings soos die voorgenoemde stel ons in elk geval nie in staat om die uitkoms te kry wat ons verwag wanneer ons gekonfronteer word met ons kinders se uitdagende gedrag nie. 


Dit is egter belangrik dat ons nie toelaat dat ons die gedrag van ons kinders interafhanklik hou van ons gevoelens nie.  Ons as ouers moet aan ons kinders wys dat maak nie saak wat om ons gebeur nie, ons is verantwoordelik vir ons emosies en werk daaraan om maniere te vind om dit te hanteer.  Help eerder jou kind om die fisiese gevolge van hul aksies te kan identifiseer asook die emosionele las wat hul op ander kan plaas sonder om die emosie as ouer aan te neem.


Die “Jy maak my…” stellings kan tot gevolg hê dat ons kinders later van tyd verantwoordelik voel vir al ons as ouers se emosionele reaksies.  Dit kan ook ‘n gewoonte in ons kinders kweek om ons te wil “tevrede stel” net sodat hul verhoed dat ons sekere emosies voel en toon.  Die langtermyn effek hiervan kan dan versprei tot ander mense en kan ons kinders opeindig as “pleasers”.  Dit sluit aan by die bekende stelling wat lui:  “People pleasers often start out as child parent pleasers”.

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